It was Tuesday, one day after my heart surgery, as Lynne, my wife, was leaving my hospital room after spending the better part of two days at my bedside, that I wondered: do family members realize just how important they are to patients recovering from major surgery.
I underwent an aortic valve replacement. It was, apparently, not an overly complicated procedure, only taking about two hours to complete. However, the recovery process is months, with the first several days painful, both physically and emotionally.
While drugs control much of the pain, there’s no medication to deal with the emotional side. That’s where family comes in. The staff at the Mazankowski Alberta Heart Institute did an incredible job of looking after me the four days I was there. But it was Lynne, my sons Brent and Matthew, their wives Heather and Geri and five grandchildren – Asher, 10, Sunna, 8, Naveen, 6, Beckett, 4 and Mason, 2 – who provided the emotional support I found myself needing every day.
Each morning, as I lay in the uncomfortable hospital bed or sat in the recliner chair (in which I slept and spent most of my time) wondering how to pass the next 12-16 hours, I honestly believe I could feel my improved heart race just a touch when one of my family walked in the room.
It wasn’t that they were going to take me anywhere or do anything special. Just that they were there. Sometimes we would sit and talk, other times Just sit silently, me often sleeping or with my eyes closed from exhaustion. But I always knew they were there and would be whenever I needed them.
Which is why I wonder. I know when I have gone to visit sick relatives or close friends in hospital, I usually feel more like I’m intruding on their recovery, that there’s nothing I can do to help them. Now I know it’s the presence of loved ones that is so important to one’s recovery. I’m pretty sure I would not have been out of hospital four days (almost exactly to the hour) after my surgery if my family had not spent so much time with me.
Lynne was there before surgery to calm my anxiousness, after surgery to hold my hand as I was awakened and to keep me from panicking until the breathing tube was removed, and kept assuring me that things had gone well in surgery and would only get better.
Matt was also there every day, initially looking as anxious as me but more calm each time he visited. Brent, Heather and Geri all found ways in their busy schedules to visit. While they all looked a little nervous when they first entered the room, I could tell by their smiles later on that I must have looked better than they expected, which buoyed my spirits
Asher was hesitant. He stayed at the back of the room away from me and wouldn’t give me a hug. But he did come close enough to shake hands and high-five. As he left I wondered if he would ever know the inspiration he had just provided. I told myself then I was getting better and was going to be chasing him down the ski hills next winter, to show him that hospitals are not bad places, that they fix people and while I probably looked scary, the fact he overcome his own fears (??) to high-five me showed me how much he loved me.
The bear was a big help that night when I couldn’t sleep in the bed because of back pain. I ended up sitting in a straight-back chair, hugging the bear in case I fell forward against the food tray when I fell asleep. It got me through the night.
A teddy bear, a pillow, a high-five, hugs and kisses from Beckett and Mason, gentle hugs and encouraging smiles from the adults. All little things that meant so much.
So this is just a little way of saying THANK YOU to my family, and perhaps a reminder to all other families of how important they are to loved ones in hospitals.
Tomorrow: Final random thoughts
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